A Thanksgiving Carol
"A Thanksgiving Carol" A TurtleShroom Production ---- Chapter One: Take this Job and Shove It It was a glorious morning in Dorkugal. Thanksgiving was just around the corner, and all of the Dorkugese were eagerly preparing the traditional feast of fish, biscuits, dressing, celery, shrimp, seaweed, sweet tea, and nachos. Alas, not all were really into the whole "feasting for all" idea. One nerd in particular, Edwin Freezer Luge, really despised sharing. As a wealthy (and rather chubby) pioneer in Quantum Computing, he had a lot of radians. Eager to feast alone, Edwin headed straight to Floor Fifty Seven (the Giga-Market, think Wal-Mart, Circuit City, Best Buy, Kroger and Macy's combined) and bought the biggest, fattest Mullet in the building. Scanning the aisles for more goodies, he came across a huge holographic fireplace (conveniently stored in a miniature cube-shaped projector), which he promptly threw into his shopping cart. He purchased a triple-color LED lighted candelabra, seven stalks of the finest celery, ten gallons of sweet tea, and bags of other products. Finally, just to show off to the other shoppers, he bought an HDTV television, a Pad-desk, and a glowing tube of Plutonium-244. Walking out of the store with a towering cart of products (he bought the cart as well), he strolled down the winding hallways, eventually reaching the rooms of Floor Sixty Six. Using the security eye-scanner to get in, he placed his goodies on the nearest end-table and called out. "Curta Jobs!" Immediately, Edwin's assistant came to call. Curta is a male Macaroni Penguin, about three feet in height. The frail, forty-seven year old bird dresses in a shabby grey robe, wearing broken spectacles and his tarnished I.T. badge. He serves as Edwin's IT professional, and as such, his job is to manage Edwin's computer network, making sure it operates efficiently, stays on-line, performs its functions, etc. The problem, however, is that Curta does this job alone, and the fact that Edwin's super-computer sprawls most of the room. To make matters worse, Curta is paid minimum wage, which isn't near enough to feed his family of four children and wife. To make due, he skips lunch and dinner, as well as serving the Graveyard Shift as a custodian for Floors Thirty Two through Fifty Seven. "May I (cough) help you, Boss?" the penguin questioned. As a response, Edwin gestured to the pile of products sitting on a nearby table. Giving the little penguin a hard shove, Curta lifted the heavy pile of items, only to have them collapse under his weight. The Macaroni penguin was buried in a huge pile of electronics and edibles. Edwin grabbed Curta out of the pile and smacked him. "You obsolete piece of Dial-up! Can't you do ANYTHING right?!" Curta, trying to hold back tears, nodded and carried the items one by one to their proper containers and locations. After moving them and stowing them away, Edwin called for him again. "Curta, it's 8:00 PM. As you know, the-" Edwin cringed, almost as if he was about to vomit. After shivering a bit, he continued. "-U-u-u-Union says 4:45 AM through 8:00 PM is the maximum work limit. Go home NOW. I shall see you at 4:45 AM sharp, Thursday morning. You will resume working normal hours." "But sir! Tomorrow's Thanksgiving! The janitorial service gave me the night off! It'll be the my first good sleep in months!" The Macaroni penguin paused. "I have to set the table tomorrow! It'll take all day to program even the simplest of homemade decorations!" Edwin glared at his technician. "Do you hear that? It's the sound of me not caring! Quantum Computers don't run themselves! You shall return tomorrow, as always." "But sir! Even the Jerks are taking the day off tomorrow! All but the fundamental servers will be offline tomorrow! Besides, I need to spend time with my fam-" Curta was slapped again, though it was a bit harder than usual. He got the idea, and took off home. "Bah, debug. You can never find good help these days." Edwin retorted. Chapter Two: Drowning In Debt Curta was sitting down at his card table (which now served as a dinner table). He was filing through his bills, when one of his children came in. It was Marvin, the third-youngest of the Jobs household. The family called him "Minuscule Marvin", because he short-circuited himself trying to build a "nice computer" for his father, considering the fact that Curta couldn't afford anything beyond a charity type Pad-top running Command-line interface. The electrical mishap stunted Marvin's growth, and as such he is only a half an inch taller than Penghis Khan. To top that all off, Marvin had a severe case of the I-Love-U-flu 1 virus, and due to the lack of proper health-care, it can't be treated (see bottom of page). In short, Minuscule Marvin is ailing, and may die very soon. "Hello father!" Marvin said, cheerfully. After making a dial-up sound and twitching heavily (it's a symptom), he gave Curta a big hug. It took all of his strength not to cry. Curta's wife, Plankalkül Jobs (don't even try to pronounce it) walked in and called Curta aside. "Curta, we're really deep in debt. I have to stay and care for the children, and you have to work all day and night. We can't live like this. Marvin needs his Norton vaccination to cure him, and you know we can't afford it. You know that the only doctor who can cure the I-Love-U-flu at this stage of severity is the cure's maker himself, Doctor Norton Von Symantec. We're in a huge crisis, and we can't even afford the smallest Mullet for a feast." "I know we're in debt, but we can make it-" Plankalkül interrupted. "No. No we can't. We can not. You know why? It's all because of your no-good, obsolete boss, Edwin Freezer Luge." The macaroni penguin paused. "Luge. Oh, if I had the nerve, I'd Control-Alt-Delete that, that... heartless Ford into the jungle where he belongs!! How do you put up with such a pile of E-Waste?!" "Plankalkül, I know Edwin is mean, but I'm telling you, we can make it. For as long as a Silicon Wafer can process eighty terabytes of memory a second, so shall we march on. Does a computer give out just because its hard drive gets scratched, or its screen gets cracked? No! It keeps moving forward. Plankalkül, that bonus raise is just a process away. I promise we'll get through it." Plankalkül smiled weakly. She hugged Curta and walked off. Curta's children came running in. "Father!" they screamed. "Where's the big Thanksgiving feast?" Curta smiled. He held up what he managed to buy on his meager salary of 0.01 rad per day. It consisted of two grey fish, one biscuit, three stalks of celery, and a one-liter bottle of sweet tea. He also managed to build a cheap candle out of an old incandescent lamp he found in a dumpster, a quick program code that made it glow a red hue, and a stick of wood with copper to make it glow. The fish weighed about two pounds, three ounces each. The children were awestruck. "Sweet floppy disks above, that's the biggest fish you've ever seen!" one commented. "That light is so cool! Did you make it yourself?" another stated. "Wow! THREE stalks of celery? FRESH CELERY?! Father, you really overdid yourself this year!" the third replied. "You're the best, Father!" Minuscule Marvin chimed in. Curta cried a bit, and thought: "Man, I am so blessed to have such a loving family..." Chapter Three: BBBAAAAAANNNNNGGGGG!!!!!!!! Edwin was pacing his home. "Bah, Debug! For the sake of Binary, where's my recipe book?!" Edwin screamed. He smacked a nearby CyberGem that served as a paperweight. It rattled to the floor and rolled under the desk. Edwin bent over to retrieve it, when he spied a book. It wasn't just any book, it was a paper book. We're talking hardcover, pure paper book. Those things were obsolete years ago! It must have been really old! He picked it up. After thinking a bit on how to operate primitive technology, he opened the cover and flipped through the pages. A particular page really stood out. It was an old recipe for "Giga Gruel". Giga Gruel was the first original Dorkugese recipe, and it was transcribed to paper by G himself. It was also the meal of the first Dorkugese colonists. Only one other copy of the recipe existed, and it was on display at The Big Fat Building O' Archives. He read the recipe: ______________________________________________________________________________ | Giga Gruel: a Dorkugese Original | | | | Take sixteen floppy disks and grind them to powder. Take four tomatoes, three| | silicon wafers, two slices of Gorgonzola cheese, and mix in blender until | | completely liquefied. Insert one transistor for extra "zing". After mixing | | the batter, toss in a half-cup of flour. Pour a cup of vanilla with a dash of| | cinnamon. Finally, solidify with a microwave for thirty seconds. Freeze in | | nearby cooling unit for fifteen seconds. Melt until oatmeal-like, and eat. | |______________________________________________________________________________| Deciding to eat the "old-timey" recipe, he whipped up a batch of Giga Gruel and ate the whole thing in thirty minutes. He became very sleepy soon after, so he preened his feathers, took a nice shower, and settled into his sleeping quarters. He locked the shutters, scanned his eye to secure his house, and fluffed his pillow to settle in for a good sleep ready to rake in cash for the next morning. He stood on his luxurious cushions (remember, penguins sleep standing up!), and quickly fell fast asleep. Edwin remained asleep until a screeching dial-up sound awoke him. He shot up, nearly falling over in the process. He scanned his surroundings, looking left and right. Nothing. Edwin returned to his cushions and dozed off once more. He was awoken once more to what sounded like a filing cabinet being shut. Edwin began to think... "Filing cabinets are just a myth! They don't exist, but merely serve as a myth used to scare little nerds about primitive cultures." Edwin relaxed. "It's a complete fabrication to make the young ones thankful for their technology." Upon reassuring himself with common knowledge, Edwin relaxed and settled back to sleep. You see, filing cabinets are scary concepts in Dorkugese culture. They are the equivalent of the outhouse in our world. They seem frightening compared to modern day conveniences. All Dorkugese penguins dread filing cabinets. Many dress up as them on Halloween! Edwin was awoken once again, to another filing cabinet. Except this one was louder. Trying to shrug off his fear, Edwin got out of bed and walked around his house. "Bah, debug. I must have put too many transistors in the Giga Gruel... too much americium is bad..." Another bang. Edwin was starting to tremble. He shrugged it off once more. "Bah, debug. It must be some crazy prankster outside." Bang! The file cabinet echoed through the empty house. "...it's just a broken Qubit, nothing to worry about..." BANG! "It's just a sound effect I left on my computer..." BANG!! "It's just a neighbor playing a video game..." BANG!!!!!! ".......um, it's just a Jerk scaring the floor's residents..." BBBAAAAAANNNNNGGGGG!!!!!!!! The final file cabinet sound was so loud, it rattled the chandelier above Edwin's head, and caused the Quantum fluids in his computer to bubble. Chapter Four: AgentGenius Forewarns Edwin "AAAAAAHHHHH!! PRIMITIVE STORAGE UNITS! THEY WANT MY MONEY!!" Suddenly, the house went black. An electromagnetic storm had shattered every fuse of every electronic in the building. Edwin trembled. He looked out a window. Auroras could easily be seen flashing through the sky. Yet, no one else stirred, not even his neighbors. It was almost as if the grid blowout was just happening to him! That's meteorologically impossible! By now, Edwin was scared out of his mind. The sole window that was actually outdoors blew off its hinges, leaving a gaping hole in Edwin's wall. He panicked. "AAAAHHHH! THE OUTSIDE! IT'S INSIDE!!!!!" Edwin cringed. A great gale whipped up outdoors, and it blew the whole outdoor-facing side off of Edwin's house. Nothing but brilliant starstruck sky could be seen. Then, the wind picked up once more, and Edwin saw a great behemoth heading straight for him. He backed up against the wall. The thing slammed onto the floor, shaking Edwin to the ground. He tripped over an LED lamp, and it glowed a soft blue glow. In the dim light, he saw a huge filing cabinet, glowing a dim, radioactive green color. It was the thing of any Dorkugese penguin's nightmares. Edwin stood there in shock. The organizing wraith hovered several inches off the floor. It was so quiet, you could hear a floppy disk being formatted. For what seemed like an eternity, Edwin faced the haunted, obsolete piece of iron in sheer panic. Then, it started spinning. It crashed to the floor. The lower of its three vertical drawers opened, and fog poured out. A figure familiar to Edwin rose out of the drawer, and passed through it like an apparition. Edwin was stunned. It was his co-founder and business partner, AgentGenius! Yet, he had been deceased since shortly after Dorkugal was was colonized! It had been generations! AgentGenius glowed a pale-blue color. It cast a faint, eerie glow in the room. He donned a robe of computer spreadsheets. He wore a tattered suit on top of this, with cracked spectacles and a ripped tie. CAT-5 cables wrapped around his body, almost like chains. Attached to these cables were modems of all shapes and sizes, sixteen keyboards, some of which lacked the | key! That meant they were really old. A rigid Command-Line processor about a foot taller than Edwin was dragged behind, secured only by an old-timey cord as thick as a quarter (the coin). The cable was wrapped around his waste. AgentGenius struggled to hover even the slightest. The processor was almost too heavy for the ghost to move. It probably weighed about fifty pounds! The old analog colossus had a one line screen on the side. In green text, the sentence "STOP ERROR, KINDNESS NOT LESS OR EQUAL TO SKUA, REGISTRY FAILURE - 0x00" glowed on the black marquee. Edwin stared at AgentGenius. The ghost was rickety, shaking from the massive weight of the obsolete technology. It was quite a frightening sight to behold. "EDWIN FREEZER LUGE!" the poltergeist shouted. "It is I, AgentGenius, coming from the Recycle Bin of Evil, bringing you a message! See these cables, cords, and modems? The dial-up units represent my slow, cruel torture on my employees. Notice the keyboards? I got one for every malicious program I used to hack rival businesses to steal their source codes." Edwin stepped back. "But AgentGenius! That was the move that put our business on top! Your code and hacking, along with my hush money gave us the cutting edge quantum processing! It was the key to our success!" AgentGenius floated back a bit. Swinging his body around, he managed to swivel the keyboards closer to Edwin, for better look. "Are these burdens of weight worth getting some business on top? Are they worth cheating to earn money? Remember, economic competition makes products better, Luge. Driving down prices make s consumers look for better products. Total power over anything is not the way." AgentGenius turned toward the mass of cables wrapped around his body. Turning back to Edwin, he looked deep into his eyes, with a compassionate, almost pitiful look. "Your monopoly of Quantum Computing will lead to lawsuits, loss of cash, and the eventual division of your corporation! You will be left with nothing, Edwin! Nothing!" "Wait! What?! How?! Am I dreaming?! Are you a prank hologram?!" "No, Edwin. You are not dreaming." the ghost replied. He turned to the command-line processor. With a groan, he continued. "You see this hideous piece of machinery... I got this for being a cruel, selfish penguin. One who had no compassion for others, who had no sympathy or selflessness. I ''tore communities apart'' trying to get to the top, to make my name known. I never extended a helping flipper to one person. Not even a little nerd being bullied by Jerk penguins... not even then. I had less than one byte, no, make that less than two bits of good in my data. I was deleted on the spot." Then, AgentGenius turned to Edwin. Pointing a flipper straight at his beak, the ghost straightened up and looked directly at Edwin. "But you, Edwin Freezer Luge, shall bear much more junk than I. You will end up lugging an entire file cabinet, a complete, sixteen ton tax calculating mainframe, a cash register, and oh so much more. You, as a ghost, will be unable to move. You will have to create an entirely new programming language just to float around at three miles per hour. It will be eternal misery and woe, lest you format your evil and install a kinder operating system." "But but but but... that does not compute! By removing the weak geeks from society, it merely decreases the surplus population! Only the strong tycoons are needed!" Edwin stuttered. "So I leave you with a final message. I just serve as the beta test in the program that is correction. You will be visited by three different paranormal items on this night, far more frightening than I. May they show you the flaws of your ways. I bid you farewell." AgentGenius instantly faded from view. The sound of a computer shutting down rang through the air. The sounds and wind slowly whirred to a halt, and all was quiet. "What in the name of compact disks just happened?!" Edwin looked around. The room was exactly as it was before AgentGenius came in. Faint lights glowed in the dark rooms. All was calm. "That's the last time I eat Giga Gruel..." Edwin muttered. He waddled back to his sleeping area, and after about an hour of trying to calm down, Edwin lulled into an uneasy sleep. The atomic clock read 12:13 AM. Chapter 5: The Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past I had to reread the plot summary of the original several times for this part. After all, I've only seen the Disney movie. Edwin remained asleep, a light sleep however. He awoke to the sound of a telephone, followed by the hum of a printer, and then the sound of swoosh thing those belt-ink printers do. As Edwin stood in his bed, a fax machine (no an all-in-one kind, of the record) materilized in the room. It too was floating, though it had eyes and a mouth. No hands, no feet. What looked like a crown made of silicon chips and wiring sat atop it. The entiety floated a few inches above the floor, apparently using telekinesis to pick up items. Edwin looked at the telephone printer. It blinked, and started to speak. "Edwin Freezer Luge, I've got a few things to show you. Get out of that bed." Edwin was scared, but he held his ground. "No. I shall not get out of bed for such a primitive peice of telecommunication equipment." The Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past paused. "Oh, you just had to go there!" "Yes. Yes I did. Now, leave me alone. I've already had a nightmare once, thank you." "That's it. Mo more mister Nice Xerox!" With that, the Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past whipped its phone reciever and wrapped the cord around Edwin. The penguin tried to get away, but the cord was too strong. The Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past then threw Edwin into its scan thing (where papers are scanned and sent) and down he went. A scream later, and Edwin was thrown through a time warp. He blacked out. The next thing he knew, Edwin heard a sort of ringing. He fell out of the print side of an actual fax machine in an old building. The Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past appeared beside him. Edwin looked around. He was in a small office. A wooden door with a glass window bore the words "POHS TEP". It was the Club Penguin Pet Shop! Thinking back, he recalled that the Pet Shop doubled as an orphanage. Though most penguins there were just idiots pretending to be babies, occasionally a real orphan would have to reside there. Edwin walked out of the little office. Dorkugal didn't even exist. It was around 2002. Penguin Chat 3 was just came into being. Ninjas were still public. Pen Chi still served as their master, and Sensei was beginning his mountain trip. It all seemed so familiar. He opened the door. Amidst the many idiot penguins in baby's clothing, he saw a familiar face. It was himself, aged about ten! Around his neck was a string and a peice of paper (like a cheap necklace) that read "Free Nerd, Good for a Loving Home". Two ninjas were laughing and throwing snowballs at him. They called him names, insulted his dignity, his dress, his nerdiness, and his lack of family. The young Edwin stood up, holding back tears, and waddled out of the Pet Shop. He knew no penguin would adopt a nerd. Modern Edwin was crying. He turned to the ghostly printer. "Why have you brought me here? Why have you bought me to a time of such... misery in my life?" "Watch." The Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past whispered. Young Edwin stepped out into the PC3 Plaza (it didn't exist in the real game, but who cares?). He walked around, glancing at signs saying "Have a Glorious Thanksgiving", "Be Nice", ect. He saw ninjas and everyday penguins carrying around fish and cream soda, ready for a feast at their igloos (PC3 did have igloos). Edwin was sad. He lacked a family, and only had 100 coins in his account. He took out his player card. It was old and torn, not at all like a normal penguin's. He waddled toward the right of the plaza. He saw penguins driving Snow Cats and having a ball. Attempting to get in one, a ninja grabbed him at great speed by his shirt collar. "Get lost nerd. Real penguins only." the martial artist commented. The ninja threw Edwin into a snow drift. The ninjas gathered around. "What a freak. Who dresses like that?!" one chuckled. "He's unworthy of a Thanksgiving Meal." the other ninja added. They walked away laughing. Young Edwin pulled himself out, and just sat there, crying. The current Edwin and the Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past sat behind a log. Modern Edwin was weeping. "I had a rough childhood. I do not need a reminder! I was like a cassete tape in a world of CDs. Worthless. Obsolete. Alone... unloved." Edwin turned to the Fax Machine. "Spirit, why did you bring me here! I hated my youth!" "Just watch." The Fax Machine of Thanksgiving past stated. Just then, a purple penguin walked past Young Edwin. He had rather bushy eyebrows, and a pair of bifocals (like [B). He stopped and looked at him, along with the sign around his neck. "Hello there. Little penguin, care to tell me what's wrong?" Young Edwin looked at the bird standing above him. He turned away. "No need to say anything. The name's Fredzerick." He handed him a buddy list invitation. __________________________________________ | | | Fredzerick has asked to be your buddy. | | | | Do you accept? | | _____ ______ | | | YES | | NO | | | | |__________________________________________| Young Edwin looked up at Fredzerick. With tears in his eyes, he happily accepted the invitation. "Say... you look mighty good at computers. Care to apprentice for a degree? We can always use more geniuses in this world. How about coming to my house? I'll teach you computer basics... and maybe we can eat together." Fredzerick winked. Young Edwin knew his implication. He was going to have a family! Young Edwin was speechless. All he could do was give Fredzerick a big hug. Modern Edwin was crying too. Reaching into his pocket, he took out his buddy list. Wiping the years of dust off, he realized that Fredzerick was still on it. He turned to the Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past. "We must go. I have more to show you." He threw Modern Edwin into the scan part again. Modern Edwin fell out of yet another fax printer. Except this printer was an all-in-one variety. He looked around. It was still PC3, the morning of Thanksgiving 2004. This was Fredzerick's igloo/office. Young Edwin showed up an hour and a half late. He was a lot older now, moving out of childhood, nearing the end of adolescence. Young Edwin was the human age equivalent of seventeen. "Sorry I'm late, Fredzerick. I know it's the twenty-fourth time in a row, but you see I was bullied by Ninjas again and I had to treat some bruises and-" Fredzerick interrupted. "Don't worry Edwin. Things happen. Here, take a bottle of cream soda and resume your work duties. You will not recieve a pay deduction. Oh, and remember, tonight's Thanksgiving! I expect you to come, right?" Young Edwin nodded. "Yes sir. Thank you." The Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past turned to Modern Edwin. "Make note of how compassionate your boss was. You showed up late for work almost every day, yet Fredzerick didn't care. Now, if that was Curta, you would have smacked him upside the head and make him work double overtime with a pay deduction. Isn't that right, Luge?" Modern Edwin turned away. "Yep. Now, I have one last thing to show you." The Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past threw Edwin in the scan slot again. He came out of a fax machine. This one, however had all of the bells and whistles. It was a top of the line, high-tech piece of machinery. The time was evening in Modern CP, Thanksgiving 2006. This was Edwin's spacious igloo. He had made it big since his adoption by Fredzerick. Fredzerick had long left him. He went off to establish a computing service down at South Pole City. Young Edwin, now the human equivalent of 25 years, put on his Beta hat and his best suit. He headed out to the Night Club, where a big Thanksgiving party was being held. One hundred penguins were invited on this server, and Edwin was among them. He had a big smile on his face, his eyes sparkling in merriment through his glasses. Modern Edwin and the Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past followed behind, unseen and unheard. As Young Edwin entered the Night Club he was confronted with his girlfriend, PWNnette 7. They shook flippers, and PWNette 7 started to speak. "Oh Edwin, you look so great in that hat. You've come a long way since the PC3 days. You've made a fortune and helped Gary establish the server system that saved Club Penguin from collapse. Now that you've accomplished your dream, how about you settle down and marry? We've known each other for a long time, and you are the penguin of my dreams. Selfish, but still my future husband." Young Edwin blinked and shook himself. "You mean... settle down, raise some chicks and retire?!" "Of course! You have all the money our future family could ever need!" Young Edwin paused. With a frown he responded. "I can't. I have to be more prosperous, more productive!" "So you're saying you'd rather work than raise a family?" Edwin gulped. "PWNnette 7, you have to understand. I'm so successulf and-" "No. I perfectly understand. So, you want me, or your money?" Young Edwin turned away. PWNnette was shocked. "Edwin Freezer Luge, you greedy punk, our dating is off! May I never see your wretched beak again!" With a slap on Edwin's face and the the removal of Edwin on PWNnette 7's buddy list, Young Edwin was left alone. He walked out of the Night Club without so much as eating a bite of the food. Angry, heartbroken, and downtrodden, Edwin stormd off. "I don't need PWNnette 7, I don't need anybody. I'll make it on my own! She'll see! THEY'LL ALL SEE!" Edwin raised his flippers in the air and ran back to his house. Modern Edwin was upset. "PWNnette 7 was the love of my life. I was never truly happy again." "Now, I must go." The Fax Machine of Thanksgiving Past said. "There will be two more appiritions tonight." With that, the Fax Machine vanished in a flash of light. When Edwin regained full eyesight, he was back in Dorkugal, standing in his bed. For a while, he said nothing. "Bah, debug. What a crazy dream." Edwin tried to shrug off the experience he just had, but he still felt a good bit of remorse inside him. "It must be that Giga Groul." Edwin said, trying to deny his guilt. After a while, Edwin fell back asleep. The Atomic clock read 2:37 AM. TO BE CONTINUED! ---- Trivia * Why fish instead of turkey? Think long and hard. Give up? Penguins and turkeys are birds. One eating the other... that's just wrong! * We all know who Edwin is a parody of. * Lewis Jobs plays the role of Scrooge's slave-like secretary. His name is a combination of the "Curta", one of the world's first true calculators, and Steve Jobs, the founder of the Apple Company and inventor of the Macintosh. * Plankalkül Jobs, Curta's wife, was named after the Plankalkül programming code, the world's first advanced computer programming language. No, I do not know how to pronounce it. The I-Love-U-flu *The I-Love-U-flu infection is a direct parody of the I-Love-U Virus that took the e-mail world by storm in 2000. **In Dorkugal, it's an actual medical illness that results in coughing, fever, wheezing, and the occasional dial-up sound. If not treated in time, it can cause the victim to "crash" (the Dorkugese equivalent of a coma). The final stages have the infected penguin start screaming "An error has occurred. Press Enter to Return to Windows, or press Control Alt Delete to restart your computer. You will lose any unsaved data." The weird part is that a penguin is a living thing, and thus is not a computer. Doctors insist this happens every time a penguin enters an I-Love-U coma. The final symptom involves the infected creature's eyes rolling into the back of their head, the whites turning a pale blue color. After one last repeat of the sentence, the victim immediantly dies. ***The I-Love-U-flu is curable at any time except after the victim's eyes roll back into their head. However, the longer you wait, the more experienced a doctor has to be to cure. The more experience, the more expense. Category:Stories